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The guys open with a genuinely somber, factual report on a passenger missing from the Carnival Conquest, then pivot to the sillier drama of Facebook groups spreading fake towel-animal and buffet-fee panics — with John Heald as the show’s designated myth-buster. Cap it with a heartfelt petition to bring back pillow chocolates and the eternal question of who’s been stealing Tom’s.
What they covered
Topics on deck
Missing-passenger report
Overboard safety
Facebook-group misinformation
John Heald debunks rumors
Bring back pillow chocolates
True-crime side project
SpeakPipe voicemail
Don’t miss
Moments worth the wait
- The missing-person report, handled factually — the guys lay out only what’s known.
“26-year-old Kevin McGrath was last seen on board the Carnival cruise ship, the Conquest, early Monday morning… He was last seen around 2 a.m. on September 4th.”
- The conflicting timeline, read straight — two accounts, reported without embellishment.
“Police said he was last seen in his cabin around 2 a.m. local time… Carnival said McGrath was last seen in his cabin at 7 a.m. according to the cabin mate.”
- A sincere word for the family — the crew keeps it respectful throughout.
“Our thoughts are with the McGrath family and friends, and hopefully they find him safe and sound.”
- A serious note on overboard safety — a sober reminder about the risks.
“Those railings, they claim some victims… once you hit the water, your chances of survival, not great.”
- Heald the myth-buster — the fake towel-animal rumor gets shut down.
“This is 100% false, ridiculous nonsense.”
- The pillow-chocolate campaign — Trevor mounts a petition against the cost-cut.
“I want to bring back the pillow chocolates… he’s like no, because of waste… stopping it saved them $2 million to put Guy’s Burgers into every ship.”
- The chocolate-thief accusation — Tom names a suspect.
“She started stealing my chocolates… My mother is a chocolate thief.”
Golden nuggets
Running bits & lore born here
- Gary, present and beloved — the “Ted” SpeakPipe voicemail opens “I don’t know who this Gary guy is that you keep talking about,” and Trevor signs the segment off with a warm “Love you, Gary.”
- “You always know it’s Ted” — the recurring bit of pegging the suspicious Windstar-asking voicemail as banned superfan Ted in disguise.
- “If it doesn’t come from John Heald, don’t believe it” — Trevor’s rule crystallizes, cementing Heald as the show’s trusted source of truth.
- “Phil started driving” — the Louisiana-emergency running gag returns, alongside the true-crime podcast side project and the “secret spot”/hidey-hole bit.
- The “cult”/tier gag — the crew offers a “free upgrade to cult status” for leaving the rival VIP Facebook group; recorded on Tom’s son Tyler’s 21st birthday.