Things NOT to do on a Carnival Cruise!

In this episode

Trevor, Tom, and Gary run down the internet’s list of things you should never do on a Carnival cruise — after a gloriously overlong new video intro and a fresh round of two truths and a lie. From skipping the muster drill to sneaking a drone aboard, hooking up with the crew to bringing your daily gummy vitamins, they season every rule with real horror stories: a $2,100 cell bill, a lifetime CBD ban, and Trevor’s hard-won fight for his platinum card. Warm, silly, and full of hard-earned wisdom, it’s a survival guide from the crew that’s lived every mistake.

What they covered

Topics on deck

Don’t miss

Moments worth the wait

• The six-minute intro that wouldn’t quit — Trevor’s new “SS Podcastaways” opening runs long enough that even the music gives up.

  “The logo fades out because it’s not long enough. Even the music cuts out.”

• The $2,100 phone bill — Trevor’s son fell asleep on late-night calls to a girlfriend without an internet package.

  “His phone bill was $2,100… seven day cruise.”

• Never skip the muster drill — the crew warn that Carnival will shut your card off, and worse.

  “They’ll cut you off and they will snatch burgers out of your kids’ hands.”

• The drone that flew away — a family-cruise standoff at security over a confiscated drone.

  “You’d never seen more heartbreak in a kid than when you see his drone fly off into the distance, never to return.”

• No mystery plants on excursions — Tom’s FRGC voice loss from eating a “medicinal” plant.

  “You can eat poisonous mushrooms too. But should you?”

• The great platinum crow-eating — Trevor recounts the terminal fight to get his rightful platinum card.

  “She was like, well, John Heald doesn’t know everything, and I was like, oh, he’ll love to hear that.”

• The dining-room dancing waiters — the guys defend the cheesy choreography and the reluctant dancers.

  “I really cherish seeing the waiters that aren’t into it.”