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Trevor and Tom hold down the fort solo while Gary’s off cruising — and turn his imaginary run-in with a buffet bear into a full Law & Order case, complete with prime suspect Teresa. Underneath the goofing is a genuinely useful port-safety segment: how to stay smart in Cozumel and beyond without letting the fun sink.
What they covered
Topics on deck
Carnival spring-break warning
Staying safe in port
Cozumel cartel violence
John Heald formal-night post
The “Gary got mauled” saga
Two Truths and a Lie
Shrinking clothes & Temu jeans
Two-man show
Don’t miss
Moments worth the wait
- The no-co-host cold open — the missing-Gary bit sets the tone from the first second.
“just like the last 74 episodes we have started out this show just me and you. No one else… We didn’t get ditched this week.”
- Carnival’s spring-break warning — VP Colleen Oliverio’s behave-or-else message, boiled down.
“or be kicked off the ship.”
- The bear-attack true-crime arc — Gary’s “mauling” escalates into a full Law & Order parody.
“tonight’s episode the taste of the bear.”
- Prime suspect Teresa — the conspiracy names Gary’s own wife as the culprit.
“till death do us part… that’s a threat.”
- Trevor’s tense Belize story — followed after declining a tour, he bailed straight back to the ship.
“I’m gonna get kidnapped today… fuck it, I’m not.”
- The real Cozumel warning — a broad-daylight murder near the terminal grounds the safety advice.
“some cartel changes happening.”
- Formal-night verdict — Trevor’s take on John Heald’s dress-code-by-dining-room idea.
“I’m not going to dictate how you cruise, but also don’t expect everybody else to cruise like that.”
Golden nuggets
Running bits & lore born here
- Gary bear-attack “true crime” — the mauling saga that becomes a season-long Law & Order running bit, suspect Teresa and all.
- “We got ditched” — the no-co-host / two-man-show gag returns, tied to the burrito countdown.
- Gary’s food redemption — the burrito-vs-French-toast arc turns as Gary “flips sides” toward the 12-hour French toast.
- Trevor vs. Carnival fried chicken — the ongoing crusade against the “no seasoning whatsoever” bird.
- Two Truths and a Lie — listeners correctly nail Gary as last week’s liar.
- Madison the AI — the producer’s “trying to take over the name place” and mimicking Trevor’s voice, plus the new Spotify voicemail possibly retiring SpeakPipe.