There is a very short list of sentences you never want to hear crackle out of a cruise ship loudspeaker at 6:30 in the morning, and the captain has lost control and the vessel is adrift is comfortably at the top of it. Six guests aboard MSC Divina decided the list was a suggestion.

According to Napoli Today, six young men of Neapolitan origin — traveling together in two staterooms on the 3,502-guest ship — allegedly cracked the security code on the vessel's restricted intercom system in the early hours of Thursday, July 30, while Divina was at sea and approaching Naples. They then broadcast fake emergency announcements to the public areas of two decks, the gist being that nobody was driving and the ship was floating off to meet its destiny.

Guests who heard it did the sensible thing and reported it. The Coast Guard's General Command in Rome intervened, officers boarded when the ship docked at 11 a.m., and the master filed a complaint. Authorities traced the transmissions and identified the crew of comedians, who now face charges including conspiracy, unauthorized access to a computer system, and — my personal favorite legal term — causing an alarm.

The Part Where It Stops Being Funny

Because Divina flies the Panamanian flag, the findings get forwarded to Panamanian authorities too. And MSC's Guest Conduct Policy is not known for its sense of whimsy: penalties run all the way to denial of boarding on the current or any future MSC cruise — which, since Explora Journeys is under the same corporate roof, could mean a two-brand lifetime ban.

Here is the free advice portion of the Ship's Log. The intercom is not a toy, restricted means restricted, and the fastest way to turn a 7-night Eastern Mediterranean sailing into a criminal referral is to convince a few thousand strangers they're about to reenact a disaster movie. If you're bored on a sea day, the trivia lounge is right there. Nobody has ever been detained in Naples for guessing the capital of Portugal.

The ship, for the record, was never actually adrift, arrived in Naples exactly on time, and wrapped its cruise in Civitavecchia on Friday. The only thing that lost control here was six guys' judgment.